Baal, Right on Target

 

At last, the children who have all had to go naked since they stopped the alphabet-jumble-wheel on “DAWAALAINM” (Do Anything With Anybody As Long As It’s Not Marriage.) have a haberdasher in Taregret stores. Who can forget the kindergartener who tied her shoes properly for the first time, looked up, pumped her fist and cried, “I’ve got it, Parental Unit. I’m Queer! So I can’t wear these ordinary sneakers any more. Or any of the clothes in my closet.” Or the little person whose finger stopped on the third item on the children’s menu and announced, “Hey! I’m Gay! So my board shorts will simply not do. I’ve got to have a swimsuit that looks like a girl’s and has special construction to mash my wee-wee down.”

        Across the country, progressive, virtuous mothers shed a little tear and said, “Oh, my brave darling, I’m so proud of you. I must post this milestone on social media.” A hitch arose when the children shed all their sexuality-limiting clothing and were forced to go around naked. Enemies of self-expression refused to allow the unclothed children on their platforms, thus snuffing out the Actual Lives of these little heroes.

        “Oh, Baal. Oh, Moloch, anybody but that Creator guy, help us!” cried the mothers. The prayer trickled downward. The gods stroked their horns and thought.

        “Ooo, ooo, I’ve got it,” piped up Baphomet. “You know I’ve got a deal with this English guy who uses my image on tee shirts and pretends not to believe in Satan, but quotes him anyway? Because that way he can tell anyone who objects that they’re stupid morons for thinking he’s a Satanist? Hahahahaha.” All the assembly leaned on each other and guffawed until they gave a final squeak and wiped their eyes with their tails.  

        “That’s it,” bellowed Baal. “You get with him, and we’ll get Taregret interested. We already have an ‘in’ there, you know.”

        Thus was the prayer answered. At last there were complete wardrobes with a wealth of accessories for the DAWAALAINM. Naked no more, they could wait happily for the day when they could proudly show their surgical scars on social media. No longer would they be oppressed by the perfectly healthy conventional sex organs they were oppressively born with. Progress!