Monday, October 24, 2011

How Do I Love Thee?

     Flying into Detroit, I fancied that there would be an all-Motown radio station to listen to in the rental car on the way to parents’ weekend at Hillsdale College. I kept pressing “SEEK,” but got no “I Second That Emotion” or “Baby Love.” Instead, I heard a lyric so vile I wish I could scrub it from my brain. I won’t quote it.
     The girl singer seemed to be competing with another for the man of her dreams. Her enticement was that she was willing to debase herself more than the other girl. Aside from the question of why she would do such a thing anyway—in a public place, no less—I ask why a self-respecting female would want the approval of a man who evaluates women on the level of their debauchery. Of course, the answer lies in that old-fashioned phrase, “self-respecting.”
     Counter-intuitive as it may seem, I think this abysmal lack of self respect—no, it goes beyond that: cataclysmic anti-respect—has its roots in feminism. The ‘60s feminists asked some important questions and came up with all the wrong answers. Their theorizing jumped from “Men and women are of equal value” to “There is no difference whatever between men and women.” While they might have imitated the noblest of men and emphasized courage, loyalty, adherence to principle and self-control, instead they adopted the worst. Marriage was slavery; sex was to be engaged in with no restrictions; pregnancy was a disease. Women became as “free” of chastity, monogamy, moral principle and self-control as they believed men were, or wished to be. There was no reason to guard one’s sexuality, and with all that constricting morality out of the picture, no way to protect one’s sexuality, never mind one’s soul. Why not, then, use sex to keep a man’s attention?
     Yeah, yeah, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle… but most of us still want one. The problem is that what we really want is the unconditional love, the lifetime commitment, but you can only get that from a man who is courageous, loyal, principled and self-controlled, or at least trying to be. If you have nothing in the way of character, principle or self-control to offer him, well, why would he want you?
     Have you seen the TLC program “Big Sexy,” in which a group of extra-large girlfriends look for career success and lasting love in the big city? They all seem to be looking for Mr. Right, only they look for him in bars where dancers pull patrons onto the stage and bump and grind against them in a manner that had me clutching my pearls. All but one of the girls has had sexual relations with a number of men. One took up with a married man and was crushed when he went back to his wife. My heart ached for all of them, because, despite their appeal as human beings, they seem to be on the same wavelength as the girl in the song. Listen, girls: “giving yourself” is exactly what you do, and every liaison keeps a piece of your soul. If promiscuity (and degradation) is your search engine, by the time Mr. Right appears, there may be nothing left of you. Cheap things are used a few times and thrown out. Want a man to treasure you? Then be a treasure.


  1. I love your way with words ... "in a manner that had me clutching my pearls." I actually told my husband the other day I felt truly "old" because I didn't prefer the top 40 music anymore, but instead opted for the soft rock/adult contemporary station :)

    And I am hoping that we have reached the pinnacle of such behavior from ladies ... just like we're returning to natural foods and medical remedies, I hope to see a trend of more traditionalism in marriage and relationships return as well.

  2. I'm with you. Maybe it's a good sign that so many girls like Jane Austen.