At last, the
children who have all had to go naked since they stopped the
alphabet-jumble-wheel on “DAWAALAINM” (Do Anything With Anybody As Long As It’s
Not Marriage.) have a haberdasher in Taregret stores. Who can forget the kindergartener who tied her shoes properly for the
first time, looked up, pumped her fist and cried, “I’ve got it, Parental Unit.
I’m Queer! So I can’t wear these ordinary sneakers any more. Or any of the
clothes in my closet.” Or the little person whose finger stopped on the third
item on the children’s menu and announced, “Hey! I’m Gay! So my board shorts
will simply not do. I’ve got to have a swimsuit that looks like a girl’s and
has special construction to mash my wee-wee down.”
Across the country, progressive, virtuous mothers shed a little tear and said, “Oh, my brave darling, I’m so proud of
you. I must post this milestone on social media.” A hitch arose when the
children shed all their sexuality-limiting clothing and were forced to go
around naked. Enemies of self-expression refused to allow the unclothed
children on their platforms, thus snuffing out the Actual Lives of these little
heroes.
“Oh, Baal. Oh, Moloch, anybody but that
Creator guy, help us!” cried the mothers. The prayer trickled downward. The gods stroked their horns and thought.
“Ooo, ooo, I’ve got it,” piped up
Baphomet. “You know I’ve got a deal with this English guy who uses my image on
tee shirts and pretends not to believe in Satan, but quotes him anyway? Because
that way he can tell anyone who objects that they’re stupid morons for thinking
he’s a Satanist? Hahahahaha.” All the assembly leaned on each other and
guffawed until they gave a final squeak and wiped their eyes with their tails.
“That’s it,” bellowed Baal. “You get
with him, and we’ll get Taregret interested. We already have an ‘in’ there, you
know.”
Thus was the prayer answered. At last
there were complete wardrobes with a wealth of accessories for the DAWAALAINM.
Naked no more, they could wait happily for the day when they could proudly show
their surgical scars on social media. No longer would they be oppressed by the
perfectly healthy conventional sex organs they were oppressively born with. Progress!
